She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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