It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ttyl tear gas
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
