i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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