My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
