when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
