a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize