Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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