Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
