Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
