Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
