There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
