Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize