Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
