omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
