He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize