Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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