I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
