Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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