I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
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