He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
