is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
