you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
