I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
