my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
