Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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