I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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