Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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