dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i permit you to call me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
