okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
