Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
