Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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