I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
