I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
