yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
