I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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