There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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