the condom got lost in my hair
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
