the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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