Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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