so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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