I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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