come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
