Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
