Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
