Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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