Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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