he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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