Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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