I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
