Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
