I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
