i may or may not be watching the land before time
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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