life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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