You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
