You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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