OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
