Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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