I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
