Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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