just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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