You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need to align my fucking chakras
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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