he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
