Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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