Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
wow bdsm is so cute
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
