from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
