I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Congratulations! We have a period
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
