1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
