He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
