It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
