MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
