As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
