I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
