in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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