I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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