Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
