i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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