There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
