How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
