dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
