I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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