hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
