new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
