is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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