Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
