beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
