Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
