We're facebook friends in real life
I have demons in me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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