what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
